Ray Romano celebrates his 58th birthday on 21 December, 2015 (Monday). Best known to his fans as Ray Barone from his very popular sitcom "Everybody Loves Raymond", Romano is also a very good stand up, and has had various packed-sold out shows to his credit. Romano later created the critically-acclaimed "Men of a Certain Age" in 2009, but the show was cancelled after two seasons.

Though his career in television witnessed a lot of ups and downs, the only thing that never faded and stuck with his persona forever was his popularity with "Everybody Loves Raymond" and his stand up acts.

On his birthday, we decided to compile some of the funniest things that Ray Romano has said during his stand up acts.

"If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license."

"Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you."

"Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up."

"Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it."

"I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F."

"You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me."

"I married a saint - well, a saint who curses."

"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."

"For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two."

"That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream."

"I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it's enough just to keep yourself alive."